Jewells of Thought

Today through the years has always been a measuring stick of sorts for me. I thought for certain I would have a finished book by the 20 year mark and that didn’t happen. Now we are at the 24 years later.

Grandpa has now been gone longer than I had actual time with him. This year however, I have found out more about him than I knew before this year. Earlier this year we found letters yes as in plural. Then one particular Saturday several of us were around and Aunt Martha read aloud another letter she had found that day in one of the cedar chests.

We were all in stitches listening to her read aloud her Dad’s words. It was a surreal experience to observe. Ice cream was mentioned and Grandpa was always giving and owing money to people. It was amazing to listen to Dad and his sisters talk about this letter while reading it. Apparently the ice cream fetish is hereditary. I can absolutely vouch for that, but he said a pint a day.

I never thought my dream could be a reality. Grandma never mentioned having other letters and there was also the idea that I shouldn’t press too hard on this since I had the 5 letters Grandpa wrote to his parents. After college one of my college professors had mentioned an interview bringing up nightmares for a Vietnam Veterans again. Those emotions are real and they can be stirred up so I have been reticent to be too forceful with my questions. Grandma has also been through quite a lot and I went back and forth thinking it was the right thing to do and that I was being a coward.

The timing this year seems really overwhelming with Grandma’s new residence and the family moving a bit too fast to get rid of the house and acreage this year. I feel like I’m swimming in emotions week to week. I have my own predicament going on that I have been extremely closed-lipped on for good reason.

In the back of my mind I always wanted to keep the house in the family, but nothing has worked in my favor. Last year when I worked at Dialysis I considered the idea but never voiced it to my family. I would have loved to have been able to stay with Grandma while I worked at the Clinic and had hoped Bryan would get here last year, but plans didn’t work out that way. I wanted to move out of here and was hoping that things would progress for us as a couple and have some time with Grandma.

We had trouble with the fact she was alone and thought if I could be there most every day that could solve some of our problems. My surgery happened and Grandma didn’t have internet I just never saw myself having enough money to cover enough costs doing so in such a short time-frame.

It was a thought and I would have liked to have tried the idea though.

Now here we are on December 12th and we may or may not possibly have a seller for the house by the day Grandpa died 24 years ago. There has got to be some kind of irony there… right? I have some fanciful version of Camelot in my head I guess of wanting some of the elders I love to be around and the homes I grew up in to be fully intact for what I pray would be one of the newer branches to my family tree.

The historian in me has really taken hold since that day 24 years ago today.