Jewells of Thought

Before Thanksgiving I was exploring my options with jobs. There were a couple of interviews that were done and unfortunately one was good for me or it wasn’t good enough for them and I didn’t get a call or email back. One would have been too difficult to train for with all the driving on I-70 only a month and a half after surgery and they wanted me to call back if I changed my mind, but the other I felt good about and didn’t hear back from.

In the past 2 months I have been bestowed an extra duty. Arranging my brothers medicines and depending on which doctor we see throughout the week and how he’s doing; that means changing my arrangement multiple times a week. It has been a bit stressful at times to say the least. Honestly I have felt a bit lost since Thanksgiving, especially with the lack of internet connection and not meeting the milk test after surgery.

Okay so I have deemed this the milk test. There are certain things I knew after surgery I couldn’t hold with my left hand, but until I actually hold the items I forget the ban from doing it until I feel the pain. Milk has been my ultimate test. The first time I picked up a full gallon of milk sent me a jolt of pain I didn’t think I would ever forget… until the second time a couple of weeks later.

Yeah this has happened in the past month no less than 5 times. Today was the first official time I was able to hold the full gallon with my left hand without flinching at all. It is 3 months plus nearly two weeks after surgery day. This first day of the new year will be a full 3 months and 2 weeks and boy did it take most of that time to be able to pick up a full gallon. I have been super paranoid about using 3 pounders in my exercise workout and have been gently introducing it in between my 2 pounder workouts. Today really felt good to not have that not healed feeling. That feeling sometimes seems to hold on too long. This year though I got back into exercising as quickly as I could unlike the other surgeries I have had it has made a lot of difference. I feel healthy as well as normal after all these surgeries.

Yet I say normal until I look at the scars on my arms. My matching scars, but I have healed and I don’t have pain; I can play piano without pain and enjoy all of my hobbies including cutting and preparing vegetables and food. There have been so many times I have not been able to do any of these without pain pills or Voltaren on somewhat of a routine.

Although I felt a bit lost my routine of exercising has been my guide, my grounding. I got back up to 40 minutes even quicker this time; still a bit slow like I said with my weights just wanting to not have another fracture like my first hardware removal. It’s weird to have enough surgeries to have different outcomes from the different surgery times and can remember what not to do and what can help because of them.

Suffice it to say surgery can be a soul searching time. I am grateful to be healed, now I am still finding my way out of this lost feeling. It’s not a loss of purpose, I have plenty to keep busy with because of my hobbies my hands love being busy. God has given me things to do including the book which I have been working on a little at a time. Perhaps finishing this once and for all is the reason why doors have been shut recently. I am really trying to listen for God’s voice in the midst of the chaos from the past couple of months. I’m now finally looking forward to seeing where God leads me into this New Year!