Once Mom left my room and she and Dad headed towards Sullivan, I tried to go back to sleep. I had at least 3 alarms to make sure I woke up to prepare the Lasagna. Yet I had a heavy heart… I prayed over the situation and that help would be presented and somehow things would resolve.
When was the last time you felt confused, doubtful, unloved whether it’s true or not, and discouraged? This is where my younger brother was emotionally. There are diagnoses as in plural, but its not my job to share those. It is my job as an older sister to be supportive, encouraging and like I have been the past few nights one of the people trying to manage his medicines from the hospital that did not interact with his long time psychiatrist who ended up having to change things again.
Unfortunately some people have variances with neurotransmitters and or hormones depending on their own personal, singular biochemistry within their body. If you don’t have these problems be grateful for your genes and that you do not have to deal with a…
Chemical Imbalance
Sunday morning my head was swooshing around with thoughts. I had to eventually get up and layer the Lasagna and get it into the oven. During those hours of not hearing a word from my parents or brother I kept going back and forth about Sunday School wondering if we would even have it with our dinner. I did make a decision not to not worry about it once I realized I was on my own for getting things ready to take to church. Then my Uncle Tony came through the door. It was actually a relief to know I wouldn’t be alone taking the Lasagna, Potato Salad, and Chocolate Chip cookies Dad made the night before.
A little part of me felt a bit vain; but my parents wouldn’t get to hear my solo. Even though they have heard me sing this song and play it for myself. Anyhow I had to tone down my vanity knowing they were where they needed to be for James. Finally with the Lasagna about done I got the call from Dad. He thought they were close to being done after having a conference call. He told me he thought maybe 30 more minutes, but hospital speak meant at least another hour.
Thankfully that update gave me mixed feelings. They may be coming home, but without my brother. It was where I had to just power through because it was getting time to try and get started for church. I didn’t want to look as I felt; a puddle of tears.
However… tears still came.
Jewells of Thought 
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