Jewells of Thought

Perspective matters. The word coincidence has very little meaning in the grand schematics of God’s will. Last week was my 4th surgery, dealing with one issue, in the delicate area between both my wrists and arms. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would become, literally, a professional patient against my will. Except for the fact I didn’t want to have to live long term with this bone issue longer than I have since I found out nearly 5 years ago.

So again, I still ask my Lord why me? What was the kaleidoscope vision that my Lord and Savior saw that I have not been privy to. Obviously, God is omniscient, and I do know that our hardships and trials are meant for character building. Never have I believed that my Lord is a mean-spirited God… I guess I just like to analyze too much. Yet I do think self-reflection is necessary at times to grow from our experiences.

This all happened because I felt I needed to do more. It was more than 6 months after my initial diagnosis with my cyst and tears in my ligament in my right foot. I had gotten to a point where I had rehabbed my foot to some degree, but wasn’t sure what I could actually do! A position opened up a part-time job. It was 2020 during covid and only a few months after Grandma Rosemary died alone at her nursing home of residence. She had residing at this place though for several months when we first made the decision as a family to place her in a nursing facility.

My first days there covid hit, I still went to work there. I even took on some hours of bonus hazard pay for cleaning the rooms of patients who were the first ones to have covid in the facility. I never got it by the grace of God. One of my co-workers actually said she was too mean to get covid. After 3 weeks of listening to her and getting hazard pay I began to humbly believe the same yet. God protected me that way, however another pain began to assuage me. I had already had both Carpal Tunnel Releases so I knew this was a totally different pain.

The problem was I didn’t want another surgery so soon after that last release. If I had stayed it would have gotten worse; I was able to put off surgery by over a year later. Although because of that I didn’t have a feminine assistant when surgery came until every other weekend when my niece was over. Yes my guys helped me Dad my brothers and my uncle, but it’s not the same with toiletries, changing clothes and daily hygiene.

Lessons have been learned, but my question is have I learned what God wanted me to learn from this? The biggest thing I learned about from the first surgery by default was learning how to become independent. The first bath was the hardest, but having had the releases really had given me the blueprint of how to do this with help. I was able to do this after having experienced it before so I had the determination to persevere with such a bigger challenge. God gave me the tank of willpower I had to choose to use it.

Still though… that was the first wrist and arm surgery there were 3 more to go. What was I supposed to learn each time? After the surgery in March Mom said something that stuck in my mind. I wasn’t letting the idea of surgery get me down like some other people were. I simply knew I had to deal with this as well as I could, even with a smile on my face, because I knew that I wouldn’t be alone.

Is that essentially what He wanted me to learn and gain from these surgeries. I have had to wait in His guidance and timing for these surgeries. It’s not like I can always time them for the perfect season in my life. Maybe allowing the Lord to take command and just giving in His will has been my lesson.

Do you have similar lessons that maybe you didn’t know you needed a refresher on!