Jewells of Thought

Tonight was choir practice at my Grandparents Church. The Pleasantville Church, will always, as long as I live, have that title for me. We ran through the entire lineup as well as missing a couple of the people necessary to complete the performance.

Before we even began singing all of us ladies ended up playing musical chairs literally. The back row switched with the front row. It was actually pretty amazing how it changed how we sounded to each other. It was kind of fun. In doing so there were times I found myself looking out to where my family usually always sits year after year.

Thursday will be 25 years since my Grandpa Leo died. I still remember that year the stroke kept him from sitting with us the night of the Cantata. There was another choir from Dugger involved that year of 1999. We only went to the Pleasantville presentation. The next night on Sunday it would be performed up at the Dugger Church where half the choir called their home church. That night the 12th was when he peacefully fell asleep after I believe having another light stroke again.

Goodness… twenty-five years is already half of my life without him. If it wasn’t for photos I would have forgotten his face by now. This past year has felt like God guiding me to this church that I have known my entire life as a visitor but not as an attending church member. Is it weird that I am at my family’s church after Grandpa’s been gone for 25 years! My Dad and his sisters grew up here including both my grandparents families.

After his death I got pulled in by the mystery of wondering about his service time. In 25 years I have inches of sources and 17 or 18 chapters of a still unfinished manuscript. Hoping at one time to have done by the 20th year and now here are at the 25th. Still more has unraveled for the story I want to tell with this book. This year has been exciting for me and a balm for my soul and I think it’s been the same for Grandma. I never expected this twist until Aunt Carol’s death last year.

The adventure of life can be amazing, vexing, challenging and incredible. Do memories haunt you or do you let them challenge you? I have spent years learning what I needed to know and sharing it with others, family and friends. The Lord has given me so much by being in this family and secondly by being in this church family by default because of my Grandparents. This weekend is going to be a long crazy one due to different performances happening at three churches. I may not be able to take the time to reflect on it like I am right now from tonight. It’s still hard to not cry when thinking about all of it.

Again during Dana’s song tonight is when these emotions started hitting me. Fortunately, like during Homecoming I’m singing before her so I don’t cry during my solo. Cuz I was very close tonight to letting loose.

You would think 25 years was enough time to stop grieving. My memories are too vivid to forget though. Especially that night when we got the call from our landline from Uncle Jim that Sunday night. Grandma and Aunt Dorothy had performed at Dugger that evening. We had gone to church, but had choir practice for our church so we were late getting home. Those moments fade away for a while but something every once in a while comes back into focus and like right now I’m in tears all over again.