Jewells of Thought

Since Friday so many things have happened. A tidal wave almost completely knocked me off my feet that evening. Between the exhaustion of dealing with my ongoing allergies and trying to decipher some unique circumstances I have personally been dealing with and all these darn appointments… Friday I just couldn’t type my words, my thoughts were so… I was just dumbfounded.

Without giving away one of my appointment articles Friday was another doozy for me specifically. However, the saying that you sometimes have to sink to the bottom, the very bottom in order to finally find clarity that was my Friday evening into Saturday Morning. Another clarifying moment from Saturday was attending my younger cousin’s Graduation Party. All of my aunts my parents and some of my other cousins went to support him and Aunt Carol’s family. Some of the comments that were exchanged nearly had me in tears and I was already a hot mess the room we ate in was a little hot and I had trouble I couldn’t talk past the stuff in my throat. I was fine before and then once we got out of that littler hot room I was able to breathe easier and cool off. I looked like a hot mess and I already had my steroids for the day and all my medicine I could take at the time.

Yet during that 24 hour period I had learned some things and was able to finally articulate a plan for myself. It felt freeing and a little vulnerable considering I revealed some personal matters with my parents that had just happened that really scared me. Telling certain health matters isn’t always easy to your parents or to the ones opposite of your sex.

However, this morning I awoke with an even better perspective than yesterday. We walked 3 days in a row, which is an awesome accomplishment, and these little blessings must be celebrated. Still without a walk this morning I can’t explain other than my medicine is working and even the scary incident yesterday may be healing more than I thought. I have felt calmer and more grounded today. Yet all week I have brooded and stressed over appointments and driving for a good reason as I will discuss further in another article.

Today my words are working I just have found myself in interesting situations this morning and afternoon. First of all I made it to church, but then it started to trickle a bit which then grew to dogs and cats raining during the sermon. Finally at the last corner of the sermon it happened… the power gave out. Darkness ascended the sanctuary and the windows have stained glass in them so very little light was filtering in. In order for Dwight to finish his sermon a very sweet Anjuli turned on her flashlight from her phone and gave him her phone to read his finishing notes from that light source. It was a memorable experience I have with sitting next to my Grandma once I won’t forget too soon.

The past 3 Sundays have been good for my soul. In ways I had hoped I would feel but I was uncertain. This church has directly and indirectly affected my Dad’s family for over a hundred years before our births. I for sure wouldn’t be here without Dad or his parents. I love knowing how intricate my family is intertwined and woven into the town of Pleasantville from Grandma Betty’s and Grandpa Leo’s sides. I feel so blessed to be taking this time with Grandma right now. I just knew I couldn’t neglect God’s still small voice calling to me a couple of months ago.

Taking actions can be scary, but so can avoiding actions. Words are nice and needed but there are times the effort in taking action needs to be seen for the right reasons of course. This is just the right time for me to be making the time for my Grandma above myself and yet it seems God is grounding me at the same time. It was a hard truth I learned by both my grandfather’s sudden deaths to take the little moments as much as I can with my grandmas I have no regrets with Grandma Rosie. We practically lived in the nursing home with her those last few years. She was constantly being visited by us and the nurses knew us all by name.

I don’t want to have regrets… even losing Aunt Carol I realized I didn’t know her as well I should have known her. I missed knowing how similar we both were. We loved reading, loved the choir, enjoyed cooking for the family, had the same shoe size and loved playing with our iPads at Grandma’s on Sunday afternoons. Yet in a big family of 6 it’s hard to have all those moments with all of my aunts in different cities and their own families.

Life happens just don’t let it consume you too much to where you don’t recognize your family. That’s also why I love that I get to sit with Grandma at church because I only visited this church through the summers, holidays and special occasions. Now I have been in the choir and I have done specials, but I get to do more of that now for Grandma specifically which is also good for my soul. Grandma has always been our encouragement with our musical skills and talents. This is the special part I am looking forward to giving her just for being my Grandma.