Jewells of Thought

Today, February 6th is a day I don’t often forget. It is as woven into my heart as December 12th of 1999. The days that my Grandpas died.

As I have said it has felt like a lot for one morning. The 19th anniversary, finding out about Toby Keith’s passing from yesterday and then is the kicker. On my Dad’s side one of my first cousins became a Dad for the first time.

The birth was scheduled, but we didn’t get word until we were headed to Dad’s appointment. It has all been so wild to experience the perspective of a death from years ago with the dichotomy with this fresh grief. Yet this amazing birth is so special to our family on that other side as well. The irony is that I haven’t really cried over Grandpa today I have been crying over Toby Keith’s passing. His songs are my go to for Americana, Memorial Day, July 4th type and Veterans Day style songs.

This loss right now is much more pressing at a time when we need the unity his songs brought us right after the attacks of September 2001. Those lyrics were gripping, raw and real… they spoke straight to my heart. I think of the Veterans I have spoken to when I hear those Anthems. No matter how long it’s been I always go back to my Grandpas. If it wasn’t for Grandpa Leo’s death I might not have graduated with a BS in History. After his death, Grandpa Freddy encouraged me to ask questions and in a sense to become a journalist when I wasn’t even sure that was what I wanted to do.

All my paths go back to those two men in my life. Music was and has always been a passion and undercurrent in my life. A way to express my emotions when I couldn’t use words and typing yet. The men in my life were masculine men not this woke nonsense of “toxic masculinity” crap. Toby came off much the same way. He had 3 kids two girls and a boy. His middle girl it turns out was born the year I was born in 1985. That struck me when I saw that earlier. My heart feels crushed today, but I am so excited to have a new baby cousin to add to the family.

I used to try to eat Subway on this anniversary. Grandpa used to love the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich. I would usually get either a Coke his favorite drink or a sweet tea his not so favorite drink. Then I would watch a World War II classic movie. ‘Midway’ maybe or ‘Tora, Tora, Tora’ whichever sounded good that year to watch.