I believe I have been answering this question with both of my Grandfathers deaths for nearly 20 years. This week literally is the 19th marking of Grandpa Freddy’s death at our church after giving his final testimony on this earth. Tuesday, February 6th has been an emotional roller coaster for me. It took several years to heal from the pain of loss and the guilt of not being there to see his final testimony although I was home sick. It took nearly a decade just to find solace.
Eventually… it happened. I came to an amazing new perspective I wasn’t meant to be there that morning after all. Grandpa always showed us how much he loved us in his actions. I didn’t need to be guilty. The pain of losing him before literally picking his brain was also something I had to peacefully accept.
The Lord knew we needed to be where we all were in my family. He had specific realities we each had to come to terms with individually. I am grateful that hindsight has shown me this over the past 18 years. Time is an amazing way to gain perspective and now it’s still emotional don’t get me wrong, but today I didn’t cry at church.
Nearly every year this close to the anniversary I would have been crying even sobbing years before. I was able to even converse about this with Grandpa’s cousin at church this evening. It was maybe even therapeutic for both of us tonight.
Jewells of Thought 
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