Jewells of Thought

Since last night I have had a rather rough time of it. Have you ever tried so hard to put on a can on the lid of a chapter of your life you would like to forget and that you need to heal from? Closing that lid seems harder for me to do even a year plus later.

I have now had to revisit this chapter twice this month and it’s still only January of the New Year. My love for my boyfriend is to blame. Without giving too much information out to you all right now I have had to speak to an actual Barrister. I will make you look up the word if you have absolutely no idea what that means. Unfortunately I knew the word call it too much time reading or my history degree that actually gave me some useful knowledge if I lived in England or in New England of our Country on the east coast.

Delving back into my Dialysis can of worms late last night meant I didn’t sleep well. Then when I got the message more specifics about this job would be needed I literally began sobbing unsure how to give only the facts and not anything extra that would not be needed. Trying to figure that out was really difficult today. I had most of the morning to marinate and deeply think about how to answer these questions. It felt like a cloud was looming over me all morning though.

Finally I had to bite the bullet and talk to Bryan first before I did so. He’s my encouragement and best friend I needed his consoling as I tried to push into this chapter once again. Literally a couple of weeks ago one of my fellow cashiers and I were talking about this and it was hard then. Especially when it came to reality that she was my patient’s sister-in-law. I knew her first before him, but I knew his Mother before I knew either of them. Life can be quite ironic at times. I knew I was told of this connection, but I forgot since it was so long ago.

I really pray and hope this is the literal lid I need to close the lid and 5 ton door on this chapter of my work history. I am pretty sure the Barrister was somewhat shocked at what I was bringing to this table for my boyfriend’s assistance. Still though, this is quite incredible for me and seems so surreal. I was given an accolade from this man for stepping up as a fiance. This is what I love, I was mentioned as fiance instead of the girlfriend I said I was in my introduction with this Barrister. We have not quite made it to that official title although it is very much an unofficial title.

Goodness after getting this morning over with and this really long text done I feel emotionally exhausted. Now I need to prepare for the next phase of helping Bryan get out of Los Angeles and start his new firm wherever we want to.

God-willing Bryan and I will get through all of this soon. Who knew our finding each other would come at such a price for both of us in such different ways. Yet it’s our third year together that has gotten us closer and deeper in love. All without having met, yet knowing each other by our actions and loyalty to the other over the span of nearly 3 years.