Jewells of Thought

Today marks 18 years since my cousin Neil died. I remember that week well; falling to my knees in shock when my parents told me. Here are my brothers, Caleb and Neil in these photos. Sometimes 3 or 4 peas in a pod.

So this is Neil, Jared, my brother and Caleb another cousin. These three were three peas in a pod. James my younger brother was a little younger. As you can see these names were signed by them not by one person. Neil signed this birthday card for me. I only wish I knew which birthday, Jenny Rose is not mentioned so it must be before she was born.

I love this photo. For a long time it was difficult to cope with his loss and guilt from that week of mourning and celebrating my birthday. I can finally think of this day and my birthday without sobbing. Time and healing both have helped throughout the years. God showed us a rare gift from his loss… how his life had affected thousands of other lives in a positive way because he was saved.

Do you have birthday memories that collide with a family loss? How do you cope with it? Writing has been my therapy, but meeting his English teacher was another amazing experience for me at Fellowship after his death! We had several conversations about Neil and writing in general. He had her in his life that was another blessing for our family but also for him!

Yeah I was wrong… I still ended up crying while I was typing out the last bit.