Jewells of Thought

The past two years could not have been more distinctly different for me. Yet I know God has been working on my heart in different ways beyond even my understanding at the time. I simply lived day to day trying to mete out with each obstacle as best as I could.

There have been two constants though at the same time. God naturally and secondly the man who has been supporting my decisions and encouraging my articles. For years I was afraid I had missed my guy somehow. No other man has ever been more faithful and giving with his love and desiring for a future together with the two of us. The littlest details that make us fit so well together amaze me.

However, life isn’t always easy or simple. Sometimes hard decisions have to be made. Or rather we don’t converse with God as we should about our decisions and complications ensue. Who knows what the future holds? We can’t live in fear and doubts or the dreaded what-if’s.

I still remember those first days of seeing Bryan’s first text.

The first couple of days I couldn’t even delete it, but I was for certain it was an accident. Each day I said nothing and there was nothing more from him and I agonized over what to do about it. Yet I couldn’t delete him from my feed. Why couldn’t I get him out of my head? It was my quandary… but only until Mom said I should reply did I actually do so.

When we began conversing it was like a switch turned on for both of us as we have discussed. Obstacles make us stronger and give us character building. Last year he was the man who gave me the confidence to take some of the risks I was taking with this out of my wheelhouse job. This year I have become his consoler after I learned what our efforts actually cost him when he attempted to leave his firm in LA.

We have become more of a team in recent weeks working to get his firm started and praying for it to bear fruit. It turns out we do work well together as he said we could. I let fear, paranoia and skepticism taint some of our earlier efforts not exactly on purpose. Out of literal fear and the unknown. Some of our individual insights about us though as a couple; have been spot on.

A few days ago and a few times in the last couple of months I have really let my nerves fry my blogging. My routine has been my mainstay, but my heart has been less than inspired. Bryan has a way of inspiring me and challenging me to find my fierceness again and again. It feels like he is my guardian angel at times; I can’t be with him or touch him. Yet he brings out the woman in me that strives and thrives when he puts his 2 cents into a personal message for me.

Our time of getting to know each other more deeply has been such an amazing blessing. His messages whether one word or simply the kissing cherries sticker always make me smile. This feels like the constant love I always knew I was waiting for… the timing is the kicker. Mom used to always tell me… In His Time. Dad and I used to sing that song a lot. God brought me a man who constantly comes to mind and who constantly makes me smile as well as warms me from the inside out. It is a very good feeling to experience.