Jewells of Thought

There are days I feel I can do nothing right. Reminders are everywhere about not having certain things going my direction right now. Then as I sat in the parking lot this morning Bryan texted me. Yet I have to be ready to stand for a while and prepared to do so or for sure I can get in and out pretty quickly.

A lot has transpired in my life since I was that 18 year old. I never thought Wal-mart would be my default job as an adult. Then to have this foot injury that only happened after the remodel. I loved that job and when my doctor said you can’t stand to work it was crushing. Yet I was able to do so again, but I have to be careful of the floor I am standing on.

Today has been a rough day of reminders of bills that I cannot pay. On top of that I only asked to have some help with cooking dinner and sometimes I feel that that is all I am to some in our household; the chef. I was so emotional that I took it out on a message back to Bryan.

It took me a while to look at his next message. In fact I looked at the partial, but waited until just an hour or so ago to look at the entirety of the message. It was nearly my undoing. There are times I still feel I owe it to Dad to be skeptical about all of this but it’s messages like this one that makes us so amazingly real.

As long as you’ve got a wonderful family that loves you regardless and my love for you is undying love.

He has always known what I need to hear or know at the right time. Lately I just don’t know… doubts and fears have been literally assailing me to the unth degree. I just recently told him the cure to this problem was a good solid kiss among some other personal time together. I hate saying this over and over when I know he’s working on getting here as soon as he can. We both have felt this pressure to be together, but reality of our real situation won’t be rectified a little while longer.

Still those words pinned me through the heart this evening. I am very blessed to have him in my life. I need to stop hyperventilating over things I can’t change. He is working really hard on his end and I have to on my end as well.