Jewells of Thought

It is said that one should forgive as many times as 70 times 70. How many times should one take the excuses from a person not legally wed? Is it not enough to be Christian to believe things happen for distinct reasons no matter how deluded the aftermath is?

Life is not easy, the Bible is living proof of that idea. The super information highway may have been invented in Egypt if not in Mesopotamia. yet the technological online super information highway was not yet an actual thought. Now people have found the love of their life because of the computer and online technologies.

I never wanted to be among those people; I truly believed God would have a path for me otherwise. No I didn’t exactly believe I would be Rebekah found by the servants of Isaac’s father for him to wed, or even Queen Esther and her rise from a Jewish family to the harem to being the wife of the King.

When I have said something once, twice and even a third time when is it enough? Long-distance is difficult enough, not knowing what being together would actually mean still feels like taking a risk. Is this risk still worth the time, energy pain and tears?

Besides a death numbness doesn’t really settle in me as it does when something happens in this relationship. Being emotional is one thing; then add in my love for music and history it makes for interesting stories. When something is off with this one man I have often said I feel it in my bones. Numbness settles over me until somehow we work through the situation.

It’s funny I can talk and talk about relationships from the Bible and write articles about them. Yet my relationship is something I keep to myself and it’s the longest one I have really had. Some slight crushes now have very little to compare with. We have still done everything wrong in ways and I don’t know that online has helped us at all.

For years I simply lived with as much content as possible knowing I was needed and doing what I needed to do. I admit when he came into my world I was in a numbness after the terrifying birthday disaster of 2021. I couldn’t watch the incompetent cheater take my birthday joy away from me they declared the man I didn’t vote for as the keeper of the seat in the Oval office that Wednesday. I remember that election well I saw the numbers all of a sudden jump in the opposite direction. That had never happened before in such a trend at the same time.

Numbness and not feeling sufficient seem to be my thing. For someone that says my words make a difference that doesn’t seem to do a thing. Am I my own worst enemy or am I listening too much to the wrong people?

There are times I simply feel insuffiently little to those around me and online. Maybe I am simply emotionally charged tonight…