Jewells of Thought

Most little girls have dreams of their future wedding. We all do! The dreams change throughout the years depending on various events and just what life brings to our lives. Yet we still have our ideas that we saw growing up in other family and friends weddings over the years.

Some ideas can be changed, but others are important to do exactly the way it was for this wedding and so on. There are also the surprises of life the deaths in the family or of special friends. Or maybe the fact that this was what was done for your parents wedding and now with one parent gone or both you want to recreate their experience. There are so many variances of what could and can happen.

A month or longer into our relationship, Bryan and I had our first big fight. It was at this time I learned some personal details he hadn’t yet shared with me. I didn’t mean to be flippant with a remark and I was rebuked. We were not on the same page it actually took a long time to fully understand what we had come through.

Something happened to his parents and it’s just him and his little brother. I did not say anything flippant, but he took it that way that weekend was a bit tense. Somehow though we got through it. I was pretty determined to end us, at the onset of this argument, but within a week we were still talking again.

Although I would like to say that was our only fight I would be lying. Knowing that information though has been difficult to digest even two years later. Weddings are all about family and the couple’s parents being involved. My first inkling in my personal thoughts was okay if… and that was a really big if… at some time we get married maybe we should have the ceremony where his parents got married or at the very least in Boston somewhere.

The idea that there could be a hole in our wedding party was one of the unknowns of life for me. I know he had already made peace with that but it still seems difficult for me to make peace with. There are times I think way too much and end up with tears flowing. I have been so blessed to have all my immediate grandparents in my life in my parents wedding photos. We still haven’t even met face to face and here I am crying over something not even in stone yet wondering if my future kids will get to know about their paternal grandparents.

Grandparents are so important and have been so important in my life. I know that if Bryan and I are blessed to make further decisions in this direction I will make absolutely certain our children know about the other side of their family. My niece knows her great-grandfathers because she has a history nerd for an aunt, but also an aunt who doesn’t want her to not know about her loving grandfathers who would have loved to get to know her.

The emotional side of me overthinks; I know this well. Sometimes I now get triggered about the in-laws I won’t get to know. Missing that for children that don’t yet exist and praying that they will someday exist God-willing.

Does any of this resonate with you? I know I think too much about the what-if’s in life. Do you?