The word proud is a two-edged sword. There is a fine line of being and acting proud. One of my favorite books “Pride and Prejudice” shows the dramatics of love and pride with some judgement clouding one’s vision or maybe two.
What I have in my life was not entirely my doing. Since I let Christ into my heart at a tender age I have been scrutinized as a musician all of my life. One way or another there are the doubts of whether I am good enough to be singing or playing to God’s congregation and then there are the other musicians who have their own talents that you always mirror yourself against.
I will never forget the first time I sang a song with Uncle Tony playing for me at Bethel Baptist. I was a young girl on the cusp of being a teenager if not already there and it was Christmas time. We performed, “Do You Hear What I Hear?” One of my ultimate favorite Christmas songs and nearly a decade later I would sing a different version as a quintet with several girlfriends of mine.
I remember being downstairs for some reason with girls my age either a week later or that same day I can’t remember the exact timing on when this happened. There was another girl younger than me who was always singing solos. This was really my first and maybe only solo at this Church ever, but someone was giving me a compliment for that performance. She believed that man was talking to her even when he was looking at me when he said that.
The look on her face when it registered he was talking to me was childish. She wanted to act older, yet she still had some growing to do. I knew she was kind of the crowned performer it was her personality, but that moment in time hurt. We were both so similar yet I was more reserved with my talents than she was and she was younger than me.
Talent is only as good as the person holding the talent. What is in the heart of that person is what truly matters. I have only wanted my music, writing, cross-stitch gifts and food to fill a need for someone else. I only have these gifts because God gave them to me. Pride in a work well done, yes I do have that pride that I want to provide my best. However, I am also aware I am not always the best talented individual and sometimes someone else needs to be the star instead of me.
Jewells of Thought 
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