Jewells of Thought

Today I feel really stupid and dumb. I can’t let Bryan see this or I will get another lecture about feeling this crummy. As I feel better the idea that I can’t figure out my personal situation still drains me otherwise.

Do you have problems that just seem unfixable? Have you poured your heart and soul into a project to see very little outcome from it in return?

There are ideas that are just within a cusp or the verge of becoming something… yet it feels impossible. How can I seem to have a modicum of talent and a modest following and still not be able to get rid of bills? It feels like even though I know my decision to leave that last job and it’s toxicity was essential, but could it have brought me bad karma?

Christ mentions the phrase do not fear many, many times. I know my writing comes from Him, there is also the idea that I feel I need to work and build up an array of a writing portfolio. I can’t stop writing and since I stopped that last job I really haven’t.

So why do I still feel dumb even with still putting in for jobs when I am not keeping up with my routine of writing? What more will it take of me physically and emotionally? How many more ounces of determination or stress due to Wi-Fi problems?

Writing is a labor of love. I don’t feel like this is a job, because I love what I do with reading and researching. Living life has given me so much to write about as the various employment opportunities I have had. So why am I so flustered about finances and getting a job?

The Lord is working I know, I can feel it in the viewership on the pages and sites. yet we have been also having some weird internet problems. Honestly, there are times I think they are the devil trying to throw irons at me, but something is kind of hinky with our Wi-Fi lately. I know not everything can be blamed on the devil.

However, three of us cannot figure out what our problem is and today we finally called IT. This is the other reason I feel stupid if I can’t figure it out myself with some of my other problems how am I supposed to understand an IT person? Talk about vexing computer problems that are extremely stressing and more?

In fact the IT person is still on the phone with my brother, Dad called before 3 pm and has already left for work. It is now 4:32 and we are still waiting to see the last of this puzzle and conundrum of ours to be figured out.