Jewells of Thought

Do you ever feel like you are a conundrum?

My Podiatrist and his associates have told me at least a few times this gout means you can’t do this or your plantar fasciitis means no you can’t be doing this. So I have been told to stop eating this, no you can’t walk for exercise, and no you absolutely can’t stand on your feet as a job anymore.

If I were to have hastened all the warnings health professionals have given me over the years; I would never leave my bed. Still after my really bad ankle injury that will never completely heal without having a large amount of money for stem cells; dialysis proved my doctor wrong again. Another reason why my job in dialysis actually mattered to me besides the paycheck. I was able to prove my determination and will was stronger than a diagnosis.

After that job the very next day; I stopped using my cream. In order to work at dialysis at both DaVita and Fresenius I had to put topical cream on my right ankle. Both sides every night before work and each morning I went to work. The day after I stopped I didn’t put any on for three months.

The cream I was using is not cheap, it is the good stuff. I needed it to work. Voltaren did a good job. I had decided I didn’t need it anymore if I’m not walking very far… it was a chore something from work I didn’t need a reminder of at that time. It took not quite two months for me to notice the pain in my foot. It was like withdrawals I felt every bit of the pain in my foot after 3 months of no cream. After only a month I began to walk again and I could feel the pain somewhat lightly and thought walking would help. So we got back into the routine. I could only do small times like 5 to 10 minutes.

We have only just in the last two weeks gotten up to a whole 30 minutes. It has taken me a while to feel comfortable and I only put the cream on once not twice like before, the doctor actually said I could put it on 3 times a day. I don’t think I ever did it that often.

My contradictions go even further though. Although I was trying to heal emotionally and physically from those wounds last year I was looking for another job. I cannot understand the last 8 months at all. While I have had a fair resume I have been writing since the day after that job. Literally I have lived, breathed and slept ideas to write. I wrote or was editing the book and actually thought I was about to finish it until the second or third week of March.

Letters I knew about emerged after I had resolved to forget about them. They change information I had already in these 17 chapters. Yet more of Grandpa’s personality came out in these beautiful letters to his girl. I still get goosebumps; I have the impossible letters I had given up on having for this book. Now I have them and trying to make time to do the research I need to find the places that are mentioned and the people. It takes time and I have no jobs actually going through even after I was told I had a position.

Sadly… ironically on a Friday I was told yes if you want the position it’s yours. Then on Monday, I got an email oh… you were not picked for this job. Yet I continued to write at first I wrote and posted articles whenever I didn’t know what sort of schedule to go by. In time I got to this schedule of 4 a day and a lighter weekend. Sometimes I want to cry and laugh at all of this.

On Facebook my statistics say I have a reach of 2000. None of this reach was made with any money in advertising. I did put no more than $15.00 in at least 3 Word Press ads. Yet the last two and a half months have had no money whatsoever in advertising. Since my ‘200th Article’ numbers have been going up on both the Word Press and Facebook statistics.

You amazing viewers are the reasons my numbers have done this from my Word Press website. These are total views from each month. April: 260, May: 174, Jun 394, July: 759. My all time views shows 1,587 total this year. My Facebook totals of my reach is nearly the same 1,531.

How can I, have a reach of 3,000 without a job or money to back me up? That may seem like a rhetorical question, but it’s not.

Only God can create such conundrums!