Jewells of Thought

I am no longer a spring chicken, nor am I too old to not want specific things in my life. Timing is the key I suppose. God needed me to experience college life and different jobs on top of being the farmers daughter.

The one dream of my youth never fulfilled becoming a farmer’s wife. Even with my allergies that kept me away from the grain except for one adventure where all of us kids were at the farm and somehow we ended up inside one of the trucks with grain inside. I have faint memories of that in the countryside of Lyons in one of our fields. Now that’s not a problem staying away from the grain.

In my mind as a little girl though, that was the dream. Funny how those seem to change. Then at Grandpa Leo’s death I was all into guys in uniform, honestly I’m still not over this at all. It’s partially a pride thing too though, our men in the military are doing their sacred duty for their country. Both of my Grandpa’s have photos in uniform that could make a girl swoon for sure.

The fall to businessmen was abrupt and hardly seemed real. There are times I still have to shake my head in dismay. Skepticism in my circumstance can’t be too far away for my own good. I have read too many books and seen too many movies and television to know when something is too good to be true. I also know God has very intricate handiwork and that prayer is still a good defense.

Right now the past few days I have really been fighting a whirlwind of emotions. Unfortunately, sometimes God is the only one who knows the details of my heart and what I feel unwilling to say to anyone else. There is only one man who can almost paralyze my emotions with a text.

Never in my life have I been so emotionally tied to a man like this and it unnerves me at times. He has even finished my thoughts before I mentioned them and vice versa. We seem to fit and yet how on earth would we know with all this distance in between.

Last night I made a decision to look for a job in a different sector than I was. At least to see if anything comes from the application. This could be a new break or simply like the other recent applications. The roller coaster of life it seems… the ability to adapt and roll with the punches.