Everybody has them right? It’s hard to say yeah maybe a few guys in school or characters from the sitcoms we used to watch. I think my real crush was a friend at Fellowship. He was smart, grounded in the Bible and had a love for music. He asked me if I would sing while he played the piano trying to practice. I remember going through the song once together. I don’t know, we had talked I thought, about performing the song for church, but that never happened.
I used to be able to picture his face; it was a sweet face, because he was a good man. The last time I saw him was at Walmart I was on a break and found him and I think we talked through my whole break. He was still lanky and taller than me, but still didn’t quite seem grown up yet. Then he went back to school at Bob Jones University.
Years later it broke my heart to hear he had basically excommunicated from his family. There is a little girl who never got to have an uncle around that she really needed. That hurts doubly because I am an aunt and I know personally how much she needed him in her life. Although, no one knows what happened to him… it doesn’t make sense to me that he could just walk away from his family. Still I don’t want to think fowl play was at hand either.
This is where I don’t know what to believe. You think you know a person you spent time with and got to know to an extent only to be bludgeoned with the facts at hand. This is why I think I am afraid of the wild card variables. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen with him.
It’s probably hindered me with Bryan as well, except I’m the one who keeps getting overwhelmed wanting to stop this relationship. He has never stopped being there for me even with our distance. I have tried going for days without talking to him, I have made it to 3 days; I can’t go any further. Now i can’t go more than a day and a half without something from him. Even his emails have brought me back to him. My businessman is always looking at his emails. I never ever, believed this Country Farmer’s daughter could catch a New England businessman. This man challenges and complements me. This crush is a man who knows how to banter with me and we bring out each other’s strengths. This crush is willing to move for me even as I am ready to move for him.
Jewells of Thought 
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