Getting my diagnosis was disappointing to say the least. Here is a rundown of each tear: Posterior tibial tendinopathy with interstitial tear, partial tear of the spring ligament, partial tear of the calcaneofibular ligament. On top of that I had a synovial or ganglion cyst adjacent to the tibiofibular articulation.
Suffice it to say I had a pretty sore foot, my podiatrist told me I couldn’t go back to being a cashier or having a job on my feet. This was serious and the throbbing pain indicated that, although for 3/4 of a year I continued to work on a concrete floor that led to these multiple injuries of my right foot. Talk about being bereft it was what I feared from the moment of the peculiar extra pain coming from that foot back in late February early March of 2019.
The ironic part is that I was literally about to schedule my second carpal tunnel surgery. This new diagnosis threw this one back to December. So what do you do when you can’t continue your job and you need to be off your right foot as much as possible due to swelling. I was so stubborn that year I worked so I could finally pay off my student loan. It was a wonderful feeling to do so, but it came at great risk. Still today, I can feel pain in that ankle if I’m on it too long.
What do you do when you can’t work standing? Months went by trying to find something. In the meanwhile the book was still something very much in my mind, the drought of information was still in effect it wouldn’t be until the next year I would find an amazing digital database of old articles. Yet I did enjoy writing, I loved putting the church newsletter together. So blogging somehow surfaced, but it scared me to death. The idea of my words being online, trying to get followers; it was an overwhelming thought.
December 2019 a couple weeks before my right hand surgery I debuted the blog Sparrow Files. I was extremely awkward and unsure of myself and had no idea of what I was doing. Each failure has shown me how to pick up and try again in these different writing modes, the newsletter, the blog then the actual newspaper, and to now. I know all too well when God is calling if you don’t attempt His heeding someone else, perhaps not with your unique qualities, will be used or there will be a complete lack to fill that need.
Being afraid is natural, but think of it in another way. What happens if you don’t go forward and do what God has put into your mind. Fear and doubts can make you stop and think before doing, but don’t let it cloud your judgement. Also remember if you’re communicating with God keep doing that; let Him steer you. Taking a risk can be revitalizing.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt said something quite compelling to this very issue. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Jewells of Thought 
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